Fareeda K. Story written by Mira Khatib
I heard and read that the reason for long lasting marriages is love and respect between the married couple. When I think about my daughters’ future, all I ever pray for with all my heart is that they will enjoy long lasting marriages filled with love, respect and happiness. Unfortunately this wasn’t the case for me.
I was envied by family and friends that believed I was living a successful marriage. For them everything in my life seemed perfect, but that was far from the truth. Yes, I have been married for 30 years, but my marriage is anything but successful. To stay in a relationship for such a long time doesn’t necessarily mean that one is happy, it might sometimes mean that you simply do not have a choice, or you are stuck in a relationship and don’t have a way out.
I was too busy having babies, breast feeding, changing diapers and raising my kids that I didn’t have the time to think about my marriage. You see the relationship between me and my husband was not healthy from day ONE! I have never felt loved by him, nor was I on his priority list. He was difficult and stingy with his emotions; he was never there for me, even when I needed him the most. I always wondered how come he has such a loving heart towards our children and yet the same heart is so harsh towards me.
His interests, hobbies, and thoughts were totally different than mine. We had no similarities nor did we complete one another. Back then I was only thinking about my children, leaving them was not an option and I couldn’t separate them from their beloved dad. The only reason that made me tolerate our life together is him being a good father. I decided to stay with him till our children grew up and then I would leave. I wanted the best for my little ones even if I had to sacrifice my own life.
And now, after 30 years of marriage, my children have grown up and are leading their own lives away from our home. Now I have the opportunity to take my revenge. Leaving my husband now will let him feel the pain to be let down by someone he needs the most, and this will let him regret all those long lonely nights I spent crying from his cruel behavior and verbal abuse.
But when it was time for retaliation I found that I didn’t possess the power or heart for such a hurtful vengeance. He is old and week. I know he needs me and if I leave now there is no one to take care of him. Ironically I find myself stuck again, but this time stuck in my morals and ethics. Leaving him and he is ill, week and lonely is something my conscious that was raised with giving and compassion could never bear.
And once again, it’s the story of my life and without a choice… I stay.