By Alexa Keating
Is it over? Maybe you should wait; maybe there’s something you don’t know that has caused things to change. Maybe, it isn’t you. We allow these thoughts to turn over and over in our mind. About the time we have made a decision, invariably come the memories of the good times. We hate to let go of those. A great deal of time is spent reliving the ‘good times.’ Weren’t they real?
People change; sometimes we learn that our partner in life was never really in it for the long haul… they were just doing time until something more exciting crossed their paths. For some, it is unfathomable to imagine this; yet it’s more common than you know. It is not necessary to list abuse, manipulation or violence in our 5 ways to know; that goes without saying, and you go while you can.
So when is the time to write the final chapter and close the curtains on a show you thought was forever?
1. When you stop being surprised that there is no consideration for your happiness. By this time you have had the discussions and cried the tears of disbelief and still, your partner is oblivious to the idea that you do have the right to happiness and to be supported in your goal to achieve it.
2. When the memories you re-live in your mind are more about the hurtful words, the shouting and the disagreements than about the best parts of each day spent together.
3. When the hurtful words shouted include the opinion of others, including friends or family members; this happens because they have already voiced their unhappiness and begun to seek approval and support in their intentions to leave.
4. When their assessment of you is critical, judgmental and stinging more than it is encouraging, supporting and sincerely approving.
5. When your time together makes you more miserable than the time spent with others or alone; you almost dread ‘going back’ into the house, back to the dinner table or anywhere else where another option feels better.
Ending a relationship is painful; it causes us to re-examine our own personal value, to reassess what part we played and even to judge whether we were the cause of the ending. Many times we spend years becoming ‘we’ while returning to ‘I’ can happen so swiftly; life changes on a dime. Acceptance is our friend when this happens.
It is the exit door that will not inflict more emotional pain; an exit still, but not one that is so difficult to maneuver that you waste precious time trying to piece together something that is shattered beyond repair. Acceptance does not position you to become a victim or an excuse for someone else’s decision to leave. It allows you to begin anew with the least amount of drama or trauma possible. To step into a new beginning filled with grace, confidence and your self esteem intact; even if a little more worn and ragged around the edges.
With acceptance, the decision to leave will become the opportunity for new beginnings that propel you to your desired destiny.
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