Do you have any relationship issues or concerns? Send your questions in to Andrea Marchon our relationship expert. firstname.lastname@example.org
Andrea Marchon holds a degree in Psychology and conducts seminars on self-esteem and personality development.
After I got married I realized my husband is very stingy, his life revolves around money and not spending. I feel suffocated as he questions my every purchase even essentials like shampoo! And if I want to indulge myself in anything extra he makes me pay for it. I am forced to work to accommodate a normal lifestyle. I am not sure I can keep doing this, especially now that I found out I am pregnant. Please help. Rasha F.
Am truly sorry to read of your plight. It is appalling to see that men could be the way your husband is in this time and age. After having read your message time and again, keeping in mind the facts mentioned, I would advise you to break the news of your pregnancy to your husband.
With you on the threshold of starting a family, your lives are going to change drastically. It is a whole different ball game now. You first and foremost need to sit him down and lay the cards on the table. Be upfront about what he has put you through with his miserly ways and how it has torn you apart shattering every hope and aspiration of a happy house wife and home maker. Make him aware of the fact that you taking up a job was merely a way out to sustain yourself and your basic needs.
Telling him you’re pregnant will put the ball in his court and you will get an insight into whether or not he is thrilled with the news or looks at it as an unwanted burden. His reaction will tell you whether or not you need to go ahead with his marriage and make that known to him. It’s beautiful to be blessed with a baby but it is a big crime to bring that little life into this world and then feeling helpless to give it a decent life. It’s a matter of making choices and about being very practical. He has to take onus and change his ways completely as you will now have a child involved. A child that needs a normal and comfortable life. You will not be in a condition to work for obvious reasons and you have to ask yourself whether or not you will be able to bring this child up and provide for it on your own choice. Don’t put yourself into a situation that might drive you up the wall. Don’t make your child suffer for no fault of his or hers.
I suggest, if he does take onus, don’t be fooled by his promises and draw up an undersigned declaration that he will take full responsibility for your upkeep and well-being and that of your unborn child and after. You need to face reality and not worsen an already horrible situation. It’s a matter of making choices and the answer lies within you. You need to set aside your emotions and obligations and think this through with a very practical and an unbiased mind.
So explain to him that now it was not just about him and you but also about a precious life and a testimony of your marriage. You need to know how committed he is to your marriage and to your lives as a family unit in future It will tell you if your marriage is on solid ground or if you’re standing over quick sand. I am positive that you, being an educated person will make the right choice. Remember that your mental and physical state will affect your unborn child. A happy mum brings forth a happy child. All the very best and I truly hope that you can both start afresh and embark on a beautiful phase in your lives.
My best friend is getting serious with a man, and I am pleased for her, but I cannot stand him for some reason. I want her to be happy but my gut feeling tells me he is so wrong for her. I tried to voice my concern but she was offended and honestly I don’t want to risk losing her. How can I tolerate his presence in her life? Dalia M.
I totally relate to your dilemma but if you have already spoken to your friend about your reservations of her choice of a life partner then you need to remember that firstly it’s her life and her choice. Better that she learns by getting burnt rather than you be the one who acts like an over protective matron and your concern might be misinterpreted for Jealousy and you don’t want that to ruin your friendship.
You have done your bit and played the part of a concerned friend but it didn’t go down well so you have two options….
One is to still stay her friend and let her live and learn, not offering any advice till she comes to you asking for help or with a problem OR move away and make yourself scarce by finding other things to occupy your time and your mind though still being her friend.
There is really no point in worrying about a situation that doesn’t bother the one that it should in the first place. Don’t make someone else’s problem your own as truth is it’s not your place to be bothered even though you may be right as it will ruin what you have with her entirely. So wait and watch, time will tell either her or you……. Keep those fingers and toes crossed and hope for the best.
Photo credit: 401(K) 2013 / Foter / Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 2.0 Generic (CC BY-SA 2.0)