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Ask Andrea

Do you have any relationship issues or concerns? Send your questions in to Andrea Marchon our relationship expert. info@arabwomanmag.com

 

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Q. I’m falling for an older woman, 10 years older to be exact, i know i will find lots of rejection and obstacles from family and others. Should i pursue her? Or will this relationship be doomed to failure? 

Ahmad R.

A. Any relationship is always very exhilarating at the onset despite the age factor. The adrenaline rush adds to the blush and one looses sight of any forms of rationality. Tall promises of undying love and whispering of sweet something’s will take over your lives and all will be rosy n hunky dory…and a self inflicted blindness engulfs new love birds.

Rejection and obstacles arise for any situation that might not be seen as right or socially acceptable in the eyes of family and friends who advocate a certain pattern of behavior or a way of life. Having said that there are no guarantee’s on anything in life, leave alone a relationship. But yes!! what really matters is doing a bit of introspection and asking yourself the following questions.
1. Do I just want a fling/ some fun / a pass-time / or some arm candy ?
2. Do I want stability, understanding, absolute honesty, children who have a patient mum in my relationship ?
3. Do I want unwanted stress ? ( which is inevitable )
4.Will she want the same things as me a few years down the line?
5.Will her enthusiasm and energy levels remain the same considering I am still in my prime ?
6. Will she want the same things as me or at least make the effort for my sake?
7. Will my social circle in time to come be looked upon by her as “child like” ?
8. Will she be as forgiving ?
9. Will I be able to cope with her playing mother to me and trying to control or curb me and will i be prepared to be condescending ?
Age, does play a big role in a relationship and surfaces at a later time and date. Ones flexibility to adapt and accept the others nature without batting an eye lid dies down in a normal relationship so what do you expect a relationship with a mother figure would bring to your life ? You are young, don’t waste your time over a fancy and please think like an adult. Like I said, there are no fixed rules to anything …. One or Two years older is still something that is workable but a 10 year gap will taste the test of not just time but a lot of other factors. I don’t see any staying power with such an age gap so my honest advise to you is.. wake up and smell the coffee…. and get some young and tantalizing freshly brewed beans. Your young , so go  out there…live your life….. breathe….. and be happy…Good luck with your decision!
Q.  A very close friend of my husband is hitting on me, and i am very uncomfortable. I’m not sure what to do as they are very close.
Reem M.
A. My Dear, a close friend of your husband would respect the friendship they share. Its absolutely normal to be attracted to someone married or otherwise but to act upon  those feelings is another thing. It goes to prove that he does not respect or value your husbands friendship and moreover the closeness you say they have has to be questioned without a doubt as no close and self respecting friend would ever dream of hitting on his best friend’s wife albeit the attraction.This is not someone your husband can trust and is better off knowing exactly the kind of person he has befriended. These are not friends to begin with. So you go girl… tell your husband nothing but the truth before its too late and God forbid if you are subjected to any kind of trauma for no fault of your’s while you are alone with him or via email or text or through any other social media, it will sow the seeds of doubt in your otherwise happy marriage and only cause adverse effects. So the right thing to do is tell your husband before things get out of hand and he blames you for it in the end. All the Best. 
Andrea Marchon holds a degree in Psychology and conducts seminars on self-esteem and personality development.

 

Photo credit: docoverachiever / Foter 

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