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Free Married Men

By Mira Khatib

Me and a friend made an interesting discovery, a very ironical concept that to our knowledge seemed to be somewhat new, or so we thought. 

It all began when she eyed a handsome young man having lunch at a restaurant and thought to herself  “O.k., he’s got the looks, and from his Armani suit one can tell he’s got the money, and those shoes definitely point out taste.” For a single woman in Dubai, he sure would be on her “get him list”, but she had to get more information before she decides to go on her pursuit. 

To her luck the restaurant was full, not a free table in sight, and again another aspect playing in her favor, he was eating alone, seated on a table for four.

“This is it” she said to herself, she made her move and approached him as if she had no hidden motives, and with a sweet hello she flashed before him a genuine smile.

“Excuse me, I know this may sound odd, but it’s my lunch break and I’m very hungry, would you mind if I shared the table with you? ”

For the perfect gentleman he seemed to be he said, “Of course, please have a seat.” 

With a closer look, her eyes aimed directly and precisely on his hands, his fingers to be exact “perfect no ring in sight” she thought to herself. So he is a safe potential for exploring some more. He was not even aware of her subtle looks as she went on studying him in silence, he appeared to be more and more perfect, great table manners, does not smoke, seemed to be in his mid thirties (just the right age), and he only let a single glance slip her way (so he is not one of those guys who would grab every chance to win over a pretty girl).  “Definitely great potential” she smiled to herself. 

So she made another bold move and started a conversation with him, the more they talked the more she liked him, the little voice in her mind echoed “a fun personality to add to the list and with the cutest smile ”. After a while they were laughing, it seemed she met her perfect match. He was so easy to talk to as if she knew him forever, but how come such a unique man would be still unattached? Or maybe he already has a special someone in his life? The thought depressed her, so she just brushed it away from her mind and did not want to think about it. 

Finally he asked while running his strong hand through his thick soft mane “I would love to see you again, if it is alright with you? ”

Without hesitation, yet not showing her eagerness she said sure and they exchanged numbers. 

Their first date was perfect and on their second, she felt her heart beat hard against her ribs as he held her hand. His phone calls where daily and frequent, always beating her to it “So attentive and caring” she thought to herself, not believing her good luck. Weeks passed and she was starting to realize how close they have become, in her mind plans of the future together where starting to build, life seemed to be going her way and she never felt as content, all until that night when she saw her dreams come crashing down. That night over dinner as he took her hands into his and his baby brown eyes looked right into hers, she could almost feel her heart melt, he told her he had a confession to make. Her hopes that he would confess his love to her and that he cannot live without her any more, but what she heard made all his charms suddenly vanish “I am married, with children.” 

She could not believe her ears, she felt his words weigh her down; she could not move or speak. He went on telling her that he is falling in love with her, and not to be concerned about the minor detail of his marriage, for he does not have any guilt, as long as he gives his wife her “fair share” and does his so call duties as a husband, he believes it is O.K. to be with another and go on having a healthy successful relationship, “You see I am a free married man” he explained to her. 

What mostly shocked my friend besides her blindness to the whole situation, is that he was totally convinced that what he was saying and suggesting is totally acceptable and alright, that there is no wrong in it. She stood up holding back tears and walked away and never again did she take his calls, and soon enough he stopped trying.

 

We talked about this “new concept ” of “free married men” with other women, and the more we talked the more we discovered. Almost every woman, single or married has had a similar encounter with a married man, perusing a relationship or an affair beside his marriage. The sad and shocking reality is that many men go on doing it with no guilt and convincing their “partners” that it is O.K. and adequate.  

So what happened to marriage vows? To loving one and only one? To fidelity? Is it just a fairy tale becoming more of a myth? Where does the turning point occur from loving someone and lusting after another? And what triggers it? Can it be prevented? Many unanswered questions; sure one can find hundred reasons and excuses for such situations. Yet no matter what the reasons, it remains very sad when someone puts their conscience to rest and commit a sin and be guilt free. Still the foundation for that in my opinion is due to a bigger sin. When one makes a commitment and then realizes that still their true passions and desires are unfulfilled and buried deep within, and the journey to fill that void will indeed lead to not just one but many escapades and many more “free married men” and even “free married women” will take a walk on that dead end path, searching for that deeper fulfillment and satisfaction. But the fact remains that two wrongs never make a right.

 

 

Photo credit: lism. / Foter / CC BY-NC

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