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Getting Your Confidence Back After Failure


By Milton Johanides

It may seem hard to see it now, but if you have just been hit by a major setback it really does not have to be the end. The first thing that goes is your confidence level. Suddenly you are like a different person, unable to trust yourself with the simplest tasks. This is a natural response to failure. Some people have a good bounce back attitude. They find inner strength which continues to drive them. Before you know it they are back on their feet again better than ever. This can apply to you too if you observe certain rules.

1. To begin with you will be hard on yourself and try and find all the blame for the failure in your actions and in your character. The first thing to do is to accept your share of the responsibility and forgive yourself. The chances are there were outside factors influencing you, colleagues, friends, family. Or perhaps the state of the economy, the political environment, or an unfair tax issue. Very few events occur in isolation. If you are taking the brunt of the blame, you need broad shoulders.

2. Do not give in to ridicule and blame from others. The biggest thing to sap your confidence is the way other people treat you. You may suddenly feel like a pariah. One minute you had everyone´s respect and admiration, now suddenly you are the last person on their list to call. The way to deal with this is to see it as their problem if they have this attitude. You are above that kind of petty judgmentalism. You are still the same person inside. Find new friends.

3. See your failure not as an event in itself but as part of the natural order of the universe from which you can learn. Write down all the things you could have done better then plan to do it that way the next time. Perhaps there is some quality or weakness in you which ought to be repaired. Do not be blind to your own faults.

4. If you are starved of funds, think small and work your way up. If your image has taken a knock, think of a way of improving it. Do not let others decided who you are going to be. You tell them.

5. Get back into a job whatever it is as soon as you can, no matter how menial. A job is going to boost your self esteem quicker than anything else.

Once you have accepted the past, adjusted to the present and planned for the future, keep your head up and don´t let anybody knock you down. You are every bit as good as they are. Just because your flaws have become public property and theirs haven´t, does not mean they are not fallible too. They will have their day, just as you had yours. We all take knocks, but only the best live to fight another day.


About the Author: Milton Johanides is a retired businessman, church elder, writer and artist. He has been featured on BBC TVs Songs of Praise, owned numerous art galleries and once ran an award winning picture framing business in Scotland. The views expressed in these articles are his own.


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