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His point of view – What you see is what you get

By Abdul latif Hourani

Hello readers, this time I want to address another issue that in my opinion leads in many cases to divorce which is; trying to change your partner’s personality. This underestimates your partner and shows that you are not accepting them for who they really are. When you meet your future partner for the first time, you like the overall package, a good family, education, job, looks but there are a few things in their personality that is not to your liking, but you brush that aside and think you could change the person after marriage to fit to your standards. A big mistake, don’t lie to yourself and believe that you will be able to change a person’s character, yes you can reach compromises and middle grounds that please both partners, but not change the person.

When you agree to marry someone you agree to them as a whole, their interests, hobbies, lifestyle, likes and dislikes, family and friends. If you attempt to change any of that forcefully is a very bad idea and surely will lead to major clashes and eventually bigger problems and even divorce.

The best way is to give each other a break every once and a while, allow your spouse to spend time with friends and maintain their hobbies, being married doesn’t mean as known to many Arabs as being in a cage, and one once married must drastically change their life and cut out friends and stop pursuing hobbies, it is OK to do things alone. Being married doesn’t mean joint at the hip, your new partnership in life still should allow you to enjoy the “You” as well as the “We”.

Sure once married some adjustments need to be made to accommodate your partner’s needs and desires, such as timings, frequency, but one does not need to give up on personal pleasures. Forcing your spouse to let go of his interests and change for just your sake to accommodate only your wants and needs will eventually lead to resentment even regret of getting married in the first place.

It is healthy to dedicate some alone time from each other and do things on your own, this way you will remain interested, have new things to share and grow closer as you show respect and understanding to the needs of your partner.

 

Photo credit: gwilmore (I HATE THE NEW LAYOUT!) / Foter /CC BY-NC-SA

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