That burning question after an unexpected and painful breakup, “I need to know why, why you don’t love me anymore.” Even if you accept that the relationship is over, you still believe you can’t let go or get over it until you know why. What causes this? Why can’t we let go without knowing why, why, why that person stopped loving us?
This is so common and can easily become a driving force that sometimes cannot allow us to move on, to move forward with our lives. The question is rooted in the erroneous belief that we somehow did something to cause another person to fall in love with us, and so the question, why.
People are very different; there are varying degrees of love. People say they are in love with another to the depth or degree they are capable of loving another person, sometimes. Other times they say those powerful words because they are convenient and may keep another person in their life until they don’t need them anymore. In other words, they care far less than you do; but you may not know this; and they don’t want you to know.
We can’t make anyone love us, or fall back in love with us. It is a purely emotional state of mind created by the senses and the things that have been interpreted as pure pleasure by the mind. When that happens on a reoccurring basis, suddenly we are in love, sure in the knowledge that it is forever. Sometimes it is.
This even happens in families with siblings and children; the people you thought you could count on to be there, the ones you were sure really loved you suddenly betray you and become a stranger, leaving you wondering if they ever did care. The truth is, when their behavior and choices make it clear that they are not coming from a loving place, they are likely to be as out of your life as any lost love.
Love that lasts forever is coupled with patience, kindness, compassion, empathy and a deep and abiding respect for one another. How can you tell if this is the kind of love relationship you are involved in? Maybe the best measuring stick is where each of you believes your happiness lies. When we truly love another human being, we put their happiness before our own. Even then it is only a love relationship if both people feel this way. When this is one-sided, it can quickly become a manipulative and abusive relationship where one is always giving and the other always taking. This kind of relationship is destined to end. The end comes when one grows weary of giving or the other grows weary of taking. And that does happen. They become bored with the process and the pain that results from the recriminations.
The range of reasons as to why someone doesn’t love you anymore is as complicated as the relationship ever was. What is important to know is that the reason is irrelevant. Your decision to hold on until you find out why is based on imagining you can change the outcome. You can’t. You have chosen to embrace the pain like a long-lost teddy bear for reasons that don’t exist.
You didn’t do anything wrong; something has ended and something new will begin as soon as you let go; totally and completely let go. When you do this, you effectively close the door. It is then that a new door can open, and not until then. So long as you are seeking the elusive answer to why, you cannot be in a relationship with anyone else. You are still stuck in the one that has broken your heart; willingly stuck. Let go; there is no meaningful answer as to why it happened.
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