I am a French Arab girl, my family emigrated before I was born, it didn’t take much time for me to recognize the differences between me and other children at school, the gap grew even bigger as a teenager. I was forbidden from hanging out with friends, going on school trips or attending parties. The only answer I was getting from my parents when I asked them a reason is “we are different!”
My parents were even more conservatives than our relatives living in the same city, whom kids are living normally or with minimum restrictions.
I was lonely, depressed, and unsocial till I discover a way out, a way I am not proud of… lying.
Yes I do lie to my parents. Since I finished high school I decided to act as if I have the same beliefs they have to gain their trust, wearing what suits them, saying what they like to hear, but doing what makes me happy behind their back.
I feel bad for what I am doing, I am deceiving them and betraying their trust, living with double faces and standards is exhausting and disgraceful.
But they didn’t leave me a choice, if only they are open to debates, if only they can listen to me, if I can take my mother as a friend rather than just someone who simply barks orders at me. I will be a happy, honest and loving girl who brings pride to her family rather than shame, I will put all my energy on how to be more creative and successful rather than wasting all my time and effort living a lie…if only…