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Our Jealous Heart

By Abdul Latif Hourani


Jealousy and absence of jealousy tend to be a major factor that could lead to divorce. Some men over do it by being too jealous over their wives, they don’t want them to talk to any man or friend and they try to control the way they dress this in turn triggers conflicts and fights. Some men even treat the woman as a child and set a curfew for a time he sees suitable to be home, and he demands proof of her where abouts, even at times if he is traveling he would call her on Skype at odd hours to make sure she is home.

The wife wants to look beautiful and follow fashion trends and stand out among her friends she still can achieve this without dressing provocatively. Yet fashion is fashion and we cannot blame the man for being overprotective or if religious to follow religion instructions. These things should be talked over before marriage, and one mustn’t attempt to change their partner after marriage, it’s not good practice; some compromises can be made but don’t expect that your spouse become something or someone they are not.

Similarly, women’s Jealousy over their husbands can go out of the norm when excessive especially these days when the environment we live in is no longer that conservative in comparison to the past. You walk in a shopping mall or you go to a theatre or wedding party or you drive by the beach and you see all these well-dressed beautiful women many times showing a lot of flesh, here it is just impossible for a man not to look, and if he says he wasn’t he is most probably lying. However just taking a look is different than another longer gaze, in my opinion when an attractive well-dressed lady passes by, showing her beauty and charm it is not wrong or shameful to look at her , after all she is pretty , just like you, you spend hours in front of the mirror and spend fortunes on make up to look elegant and attractive, and deep inside you feel happy when noticed, so most of the time just a look is harmless, so don’t torture your husband for noticing someone who is having a sign over their heads saying I am sexy and attractive and different. However staring at another woman in an offensive way is a different matter, if he is eyeing in detail each body part of another woman’s body then for sure you have the right to kick him!

The real factor here is trust, and satisfaction and love. A respectable happily married man to a woman who takes care of herself and her appearance and who is overwhelming him with her love and passion and sexual satisfaction, wouldn’t really seek pleasure elsewhere.

These days even many ladies look at good looking hot guys with attractive bodies, so what? Do you want your husband to start an argument each time you pass by a good looking man if you looked at him?

Islam has ordered us to avoid looking in a shameless way at the opposite sex but now a days very few follow the religious teachings word for word.  The environment we live in is has become an  open one and our life styles are so westernized and away from culture, traditions and religion so we need to be rational and sensible and avoid quarrels over silly issues. Trust is something that is earned by behavior and not a given. So you and only you can build trust in your partners heart by your behavior,  so treat your spouse the way you want to be treated and maintain some flexibility.

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One comment

  1. Rima Al-Alamy

    There are a number of elements that create the dynamic of jealousy. As such, effective solutions will have to address multiple elements of beliefs, point of view, emotions, and personal will. If you miss one or more of these elements you leave the door open for those destructive emotions and behaviours. It takes the willingness to learn how to control those emotions skilfully. It takes time and practice to overcome it. It’s a self determination. It can be mastered. Jealousy in any relationship meaning simply insecurity. While if the person controls his/her emotions, looking at the matters from a different angle; avoiding any actions that trigger those emotional reactions; believing in the other partner; and controling his/her emotions — all of those will lead to a healthy relationship. It needs control of the thinking.

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