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Turning 30… the end of a beginning and the beginning of an end

By Najwan Al Khatib

 

When I was young I had these extensive daydreams that when I turn 30 I would be a famous accomplished rich person and would be celebrating my BIG 30 with a bang… I would simply just have everything. As I graduated, and waited for months to find a job, I finally secured one. It was by far not something I planned for and it certainly was something that never crossed my mind. Nonetheless,  as my friend told me, there is nothing to lose and it is far better than staying at home. One month after another and I grew attached to the job turning it eventually into a career. It met very well with my creative side and was definitely not a bureaucratic boring one. Life took me from one year to the next and I found myself stepping into 30. As I looked back suddenly, I was slapped in the face that all those daydreams I had when I was young led to nowhere. They were just dreams of an overly ambitious girl… Where was I at 30? What did I do? What have I achieved? I pondered on endless whirl of thoughts and was hit by the truth… A regular (although some would argue successful) employee… I grew very resentful of myself, and along came other conditions that did not support my mental balance… Sadness shadowed the days, and so did depression and I found myself celebrating my entire year of 30 in painful tears… Partly, I refused to accept the truth.

As it turned out, one wonderful person told me, how resilient I was, and after that I picked up all the pieces and glued myself back together. Days became weeks and weeks became months and again they became years. The girl was no longer there. There was, born a woman.

But after 35 the entire world opened up. Views expanded, the mind enlightened and a sense of maturity sank in. Appreciation followed to all those small things that I never noticed and life started to become round again. Happiness is not a word I use lightly. To be happy might be momentarily (never eternal) but to be content has much more meaning and depth… and this is difficult to accomplish. I understood how hard it was to be an adult and felt that it was richer than having all those young daydreams (although I still visit them from time to time to keep some days sparked). I realized in life there must be ups and downs (it is foolish to believe it is a straight line) and those who are resilient would trip and fall and then get back up again and pound through life. Success did come by its own definition and I value all the moments I went through to become who I am today. Yes time will come for another decade to end but so will a new beginning open its door too, and I rediscover myself once again.

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