By Mira Khatib, Certified Solution Focused Coach
Is your life filled with drama? Do you have many conflicting drives and emotions that overflow to your energy level and weigh you down? Do you self-doubt? Have you been stuck for many years in sadness, pain, and endless “why me” scenarios?
Let me ask you this how many more years of your life do you want to live like that? Can you actually change or are you finding excuses to support your dilemma? Do you blame your emotional pain on circumstances or things around you, telling yourself you have no control over it?
Often a painful childhood or a painful young adult experience creates a victim mindset in an otherwise strong, powerful, creative adult. But you must understand that your pain is only one layer of your story.
You see we all have our stories, but the difference is between the choices of story, there is the story of those who do and those who don’t.
All stories are one of two types’ either warnings or examples; you decide which story to live by. Here is the beauty of life, if all your life your story was a warning you can actually turn it around to an example in seconds. To let go of your negative story you need to be filled with life, fun and force.
The first step is to understand your pain and see where it is coming from. Then recreate the purpose of your past pain to serve better your future.
Many choose anger as a self-shielding emotion, making it part of their story, which is a more resourceful tool than depression. As it is a way to justify pain, to cling onto the excuses that justifies negative emotions. If your story leads you to pain and you don’t want to be in pain then you should simply change your story to one that would lead to fulfillment and happiness.
The negative person or thoughts you are is serving a purpose in your life, but deriving these negative emotions makes you be the victim once more, takes you back to that abused child, or betrayed young adult.
You made yourself believe that this negative person is a part of who you are as a person, but in fact it is not, it is simply the story you chose to live by. In fact I’m sure if you look around you will see that your life also has blessings, but you chose to focus on the bad and ignore the good.
Another way of looking at it is by perceiving the negative situations that you endured in your past as the reason of whom you’ve become today. Most probably it is what gives you your passion, intensity and drive; the strength you had to withstand and overcome your trauma is where you get your confidence. So the solution is to find an alternate meaning to your pain. It is a revelation when you realize that the worst days in your life are truly your best days, as it was from that endured pain and hurt that you’ve become the person you are.
Realize that everyone at some point or another goes through injustice and pain from other people, it is part of how we grow spiritually. There is no possibility to pull muscle without lifting something heavy, and if you don’t lift it, life will crush you. Sure lifting those emotional weights off your shoulders would be painful as it is not easy to lift such burdens, but the day you decide to change your story, is the day that makes you no longer pressed down by your past.
If anyone was abused in any way physically, mentally, emotionally, verbally or sexually when the injustice goes to that level it creates a spiritual pain not just a physical pain. You must realize that there was a meaning in all of it, for something greater, greater than just you. The day will come when you say if it wasn’t for all that I hated most I wouldn’t have what I love most. Make your experience a vehicle to maximize your spirit and well-being.
Maybe you start to realize that the problems in your life are actually gifts, for where would we be without our problems, life will be dull and unchallenging without them. So use your problems to give meaning to your life.
You have to decide to enjoy all that your life has to offer, good as well as bad, because there are always things beyond your control and it will only benefit you if you never limit your story.
By taking the story of pain and turning it into a meaning and journey you elevate your future.