By Helen Masarweh
I laughed a lot, my friends and colleagues used to criticize me for my loud laugh. My ringing laugh used to bring people from the other room, asking what is going on here?! Some of my friends used to blush when they heard me laughing, as if my laugh was a source of embarrassment.
I was asked all the time to watch out for the choice of words I said, and I did. Then I was asked to take good care of the sound of my laugh! And I did. Then I was criticized for the way i described things or situations, and that I need to be more detailed and accurate, and I did. On the way; i discovered that my laugh turned into a smile, and my smile turned into silence, and my silence turned into a sigh,
and my sigh turned into anger suppressed inside.
This transformation made me feel unrecognized, people expected me to do things, i no more do and i consider offending. People started replying to me in a -what i call- undefined language. Where the meaning is lost, and the true source of joy is no longer found. Listening to others’ opinions transforms the beauty of who you are. And those who are the closest to you, and most talkative, would be of the most hurtful impact and most damage to the beauty of the inner you.
Everyone is perfect, in his own perfected way. Everyone can excel, if he knew his strengths, without comparing or listening to others. Sometimes friends can be the most destructive, and no matter how caring those friends show themselves to be, still everyone is alone in his world… with no companion, no soul-mate… no one who would really support. You create your own dreams, and work hard on bringing them to life. Other than that, your reality is a fantasy of your own creation, and nothing of what you believe is happening, matters to anyone.
At this moment, I find it hard to laugh, and when I do, it is not the old same laugh, it is just the superficial laugh. I no more talk, and no more share my thoughts with any of my friends. Instead, I find it more relaxing to share it with a bunch of strangers who would read it in a post!
So who stole my smile? Is it the responsibilities? The pressure and stresses of life? Is it the discouraging attitude from people around? Is it the suppressing environment? Is it the demands of life? Is it the way i was raised? Is it my culture? Is it the government? Or is it simply me? I read once a book; the title said it all: “stop thinking and start living”… it just pushes you out of your comfy couch, and makes you worry less and take more risks. Who stole your smile? It is the negative thoughts and worries that paralyze you from moving on.
This is my perception of true being; I don’t mean to offend anyone, just laying my thoughts to light.