By Autumn O’Connor
Journeying to a happier place inside ourselves is challenging because it requires a constant awareness and to perceive ourselves in relation to “the other”. No matter how confident we might be in our own values, we are always comparing ourselves to something or someone else.
Who Am I? This question is defined by others. You as a mother, you as a worker, you as a daughter, you as a teacher, you as a cleaner, you as a grown-up, etc. Your view of yourself is defined by others (and this could even be in relation to your past-self). But, by looking at ourselves with open eyes, we may see things as they really are.
*We are always defining ourselves in relationship to the “Other”*
We can CHANGE our world-view. We can transform into something more beautiful and aware. This requires looking inward.
The problem lies in our rehearsed routines. We are living on auto-pilot. So, we define ourselves by others and internalize emotions and thoughts from this label. Often the label is one based in fear, or feelings of “I’m not loveable” or “I’m not good enough”, and the result is never good.
You need to switch the light on. Turn up the awareness, and see your rehearsed routine.
What is Holding Me Back?
Accepting our own issues is often synonymous with death. This deep fear of death, of losing something holds us back from creating positive healthy change in life.
For example: Failure in career = death of a dream. Failure in love = death of finding a life partner. Not being accepted by peers = death of connectedness. In each scenario, there is a death of something… Which makes fear seem very handy! Indeed, if the fear is “don’t stand near the edge of that cliff, because you might fall off and die”, then it makes sense. What happens in our life, however, is that the cliff-fears become superimposed on any situations which mimic that same flavour of the emotion: FEAR. You may never speak up at a time when you must, or you do not leave a toxic relationship even when you know its right, or you do not say hello to someone new for fear of being rejected.
How Do I Free Myself From Fear?
To stop the fear ironically is to face the fear. To recognize the existence of our unhealthy holding patterns and rehearsed routines, and accept that we are playing out unhealthy frames, we can see our failures. We can actually have clarity and understand ourselves.
Our defeats are self-made. Our perspective of “failure” is self-made. Nothing is a failure, only a lesson from which to grow and learn.
Through a commitment to intuitive practice, therapeutic reflection, connecting with a supportive group or person to inspire and assist your transformation, it is possible to break away the holding patterns.
See, it all starts and ends with you. What path will you choose?